where do i belong? potential + ? = success, what is my purpose and a lot more shit

[prjav]

this post will be kinda long and it will be composed of 3 things:

my mental shit and what im going thru, rants and some world, life analysis.

I feel like i dont belong. I dont. Im unemployed and studying( if you can call it that) something that i dont like and i dont picture myself as and im sucking in a lot of areas of my life.

i dont picture myself as an accountant. that would be the most boring story in the world. i would love to be able to do something exiting. something that has to do with mechanical engineering, problem solving, design and working with electromechanics. maybe something that has to do with computers. but i see this accountants and they are the most bland people ive seen in the world.

Im a very logical guy. Im not the kind of guy that would study for hours on the hours but im the kind of guy that if i do i keep alot of that info and i get good grades.


right now it sucks, i want to get into anything that would get me there fast, i dont care for college much even though im studying at the best university in my country. i hate this shit and i feel like a failure. Everybody that knows me needs me in some way. im kinda a fix it all guy. I love that and i love to helps others, help my family and loved ones.

many people see that and many hope for me to be something but right now im nothing. no career, no job, no nothing. it sucks and its driving me crazy. i suck right now, im a slacker and im missing clases constantly like today. i dont have the drive, determination to finish the things i start. i need discipline. i need oportunities, i want to be something, fast, without all the bullshit. I know theres something meaninful for me to be in this motherfucking grueling world. I dont belong in my actual reality.

what im doing to "chase' this? nothing, the only thing im pushing for is to join the army. that has been my response to all this because it seems like the only option. im going to work out, if my determination or my back doesnt stop me again, and i will join the army.

im so lost right now its not funny. to the point that i idolize chaos. ive sincerely asked lord for a major chaos and that i survive so i can be a important part of the new world. A simple, fight and survive, scavenge and build world where my macgyver skills and personality will be appreciated.

im 27 already and i have nothing to show, another year has gone by and im here, same shit, having to accept money from my parents because im fucked, im broke, jobless, goalless, purposeless...

tough love will be appreciated cause i really need and earful and some ideas.

[Steve Madden]

If you don't know what you want to do, the best advice I can give you is to just DO SOMETHING. The people who end up hating their lives are usually the ones who piss around and don't do a thing, not the ones who at one point felt a little directionless.

Remember that it's never too late, and it's certainly never too early. You're going to be 30 in three years regardless of what you do with yourself, so you might as well make it count.

[w3]

I know what you feel prjav.
And I know how it is to live a life without a purpose, and studying for a career that will not make you happy doesn't help.

First of all, stop kidding yourself, and those all around you, and get the fuck away from that school.
I know you only as good as someone can know another person through the internet, but are you going to school "just in case"?
Or are you going to school to please your parents, so they wont think their son is a failure?

You should concentrate on what makes you happy.
And like you say, you like fixing things.

Get a job that involves that, or other types of handy work.
Be a fucking janitor for a while, as long as you get away from that strangling nonsense you do not wanna do for the rest of your life. A man who loves to fix things messing around with numbers? Man. that's whack.

And you could also try to get yourself to a school where they teach you that. I know that studying takes time, but the truth is that life is just like that. You can't always get what you want immediately.

Our forefathers had to walk days to a marketplace to get all the stuff they needed.
We get it online, and with a credit card so we dont have to pay for that stuff immediately either.

It's ridiculous!
And this is what it does for our brain, we want it all, and we want it now.

I hate to say this man, but you gotta weather the storm.
I've been through a lot in my life, and I've felt that there is nothing left.
But the sun always eventually shines.

And I gotta say I agree with Steve here, do something, find something new and exciting.
I know it's hard when you're depressed.. But it really helps.

There is something I wanna add though..

Whenever I used to feel like I hadn't accomplished anything in life, I reminded of myself of how much I had grown as a person due to the pain I've felt, due to all the shit I've been through.
Due to all the lonely hours I spent just feeling like shit.

But you learn from that. You become more empathic to others pain.
I don't know you man, but can you see that side in yourself?
That you can say words to your friends, like no other?
You can guide them through the storms, because you've been through them so many many times before.

Keep your head up, the storm will pass.
And human life is momentarily friggin awesome.

Truth is, that there are more storms coming, so you really have to just get used to it.

[Dr. P-Evil]

YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB OR HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE!!!!!

Yes, we all want to feel like we can take care of ourselves or loved ones, but in reality, it's not always possible. those who are successful will always credit hard work and down play luck in life because no one wants to feel like they were just handed something. keep working hard. it's not a matter of talent or effort always.

Just try to be a good person man. Treat people with respect and care for them and that's all anyone will ever remember you for.

i've been through this whole identity crisis thing for about 8 years. at 30, i don't give a fuck now about how much money i have or will make even if it means i'll be considered a lesser man than by a family member or a spouse.
people don't always see the big picture until its too late and if i should die tomorrow, they will only remember how i treated them. as long as i did my best, it will be enough.

if i told myself this 8 years ago, i would go tell myself to fuck off! i'm not born with this mentality. by the way, i'm basically unemployed right now as well! so how does anyone get to this mental state?

first off know that 90% of the people in the world need constant validation. so by unplugging from their value system, you can let them have their fucked up world. i am helping you prjav to the best of my ability. if i fail you, it is what it is. it's not because i didn't put enough thought into my post or i didn't care enough about your well being. i don't need a rep and i don't need a thank you. my intention is my intention. i take the same approach with family, women, work, etc.

I am not the shit because people tell me i am (outside verification). I am the shit, because i just am. hopefully, you can see that you are good enough as you are right now!

[Axlerod]

Couldn't agree more with the substance of Dr P's post. I'm not going to praise it, though, as that would be a little too ironic :cool

It's so true though how much we all are junkies for praise and validation. It's something I've been actively trying to break off from myself but it really isn't easy. Just recognising it in yourself, though, and being aware of when your mood is being affected by the opinions of others is a big step forward.

There is no point in being bitter about it though. If others want to live their lives like that so be it. There's no point in hating them for it or getting angry. Just don't fall into the validation trap yourself and don't let other people manipulate you with their praise or criticism.

As for you Prjav, I think you need to take responsibility for your own situation and for sorting it out. "I need discipline" - then discipline yourself. "I need to be something, fast, without all the bullshit" This kind of reads to me like "I want the perfect job on a plate without having to work for it". That's very unlikely to happen no matter how much you wish for it.

If you're not happy at college then leave. If you feel goalless and purposefulness, then decide what you want to be. Set some goals. WRITE THEM DOWN. And then write down the things you need to do to achieve them, then start setting some deadlines for achieving those goals and working towards them.

[w3]

Good stuff guys.

Also I wanna add that we humans have one really big flaw in our way of thinking, we always see how the grass is greener on the other side.

We always tend to list things that we don't have, lots of money, a good career, lots of women.. etc..

When in fact we should be more focused on what we do have.

One of the most obvious thing people take for granted is their health, they are never really grateful for being healthy, being able to do things.
Imagine you are so sick that you cannot leave your bed, people turn you because your own strength isn't enough so that you don't get painful bedsores.
People wash you because you can't wash yourself.
You are fed, because you cannot eat on your own.

You piss and poop in a bag.
And most of your relatives and close ones are just too damn busy to come and meet you.
You are left alone with the tv.

Yet, your mind is still healthy, your mind still wants to see and experience things.
Your heart still aches for closeness and love..

Imagine that kinda pain, and maybe you can be really thankful for having the health you have, and the possibilities you have.

That kind of inspiration sadly however, lasts only for a little while.. So you need to get a routine of reminding yourself how lucky you are to be alive, and especially well.

One more thing I wanna say is that if you want to do something symbolic with setting yourself goals, if you want to write them down, how about you do something a little more 'special'?

Write yourself a letter, write it from you a year in the future, tell your present self how things are going, what you have achieved etc.
Or maybe even further away? Two years, and write it to yourself a year from now, meaning when you open it and read it, you'll be reading the text of you a year in the future.

That way you can tell what you have accomplished in a year, and will accomplish more in the second year.

Just symbolic stuff, but some people need this silly symbolic stuff.

And writing in general is a good idea, write a diary to yourself to read, and read that stuff on a weekly or a monthly basis, to understand how you feel, and where those feelings come from.

I know how you feel.
And usually it gets to a point when the pain is enough, and you exlode inside out, and get that motivation to get going. Because you just can't take it anymore.

Some day you'll look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself;

'This is the day I'm getting up from this gutter.. This is the day my life really starts.'

I hope it is today, but if not, I hope it is soon.
I know how it feels to live in that shroud..

[prjav]

thanks guys for taking the time to help me.

i need to be stronger. to enforce the discipline i want to have. i want to be a better person.

Yes my main preoccupation is not having enough money to do the thiings i want to do in life. Like travel, hobbies and shit like that. Maybe thats just material shit that i dont need and im freaking over it.

what really worries me is studying to do something for 30 years that i dont like a bit. that will be hell for me.

anyways i like robots and building and designing shit like that. i love cars, vehicles and computers. i love technology and i want it on my life is possible as a job, now that would be fun... or being a pornstar.

[w3]

And your dream job isn't a far fetched dream either.
Like some people, who dream of being a rock star, or maybe the president.
Of course some people do have the talent to be a rock star, or become the president.

One should always aim high, without a doubt!
But like you say, you love fixing things, you love technology.
What's stopping you? Something might slow you down, but there's nothing STOPPING you!


Porn star, everyone thinks its a dream job. :lol:
I gotta say, being a porn star has a lot of issues as well.

You need to be mentally cut out for the job.
And accept the fact that you might never be able to marry anyone else except maybe another porn star.

And then accept that your wife has slept with a thousand men, and most of that is captured on film.

I know you ain't serious about that.
But just throwing it out there as a by the way..

[Bobo]

prjav, your game isn't over yet, you're 27 and you still have time to study anything. I'm 38 and still studying. I have a masters degree in engineering/technology but I started studying in the university when I was 29. Right now I'm just updating my knowledge + studying something new to broaden my knowledge. You have all the time in the world to start over again, don't waste your time studying something you hate. Well, if you're almost about to graduate then finish it, and after you graduate, start something else. Or, if you're nowhere near to graduate, quit now and do something else.

I don't know how things work over there, but at least here in Finland we can choose to study just about anything once we're accepted to the university. Go see a study advisor in your university and discuss about your options.

Life's full of ups and downs, and even I almost gave up once. But there's always something new around the corner. Take a break and think what you really want to do, you have all the time in the world to study something else.

[prjav]

im just 13 courses away from graduation. i have to finish this before i do anything else, im too close. this semester ill pass 3 courses. so im 10 clases from being an accountant.

im going to take a couple clases on programming because i like it. maybe i take that as a secondary bachelor degree.

at least im more motivated and working harder now. hopefully i can keep this up.