refrain from cumming (PC MUSCLE USAGE)

[giglio]

what is the exact feeling and or "flex/contraction" to stop myself from having an orgasm.

i'm on the verge of being dumped by my girlfriend if i dont give her an orgasm.

she doesn't allow me to pace myself. she wants it hard and fast. i just cant take the speed.

i do kegels regularly.. i think i'm doing them correctly.. but i dont see any progression.

just before i'm about to cum i do a couple of kegels but im starting to think its actually making me cum faster.

can someone go into great detail as how the pc muscle is suppose to make me stop having an orgasm?

do i have to like.. hold it like i'm taking a piss. any suggestions would be HELPFUL! thanks

[jason12]

you are better off not kegeling at all and relaxing/breathing. The problem is that you kegel too much you can make yourself cum prematurely. It is supposedly supposed to only work RIGHT before you are going to cum, but it is a hit or miss. I wouldn't take that from your girlfriend honestly. Premature ejaculation is a real problem that medication can help. SRRI's are sometimes prescribed for this problem. I think high norepinephrine is to blame. If you want a quick fix, opiates will make it so you can't cum. If you took a percocet, you would have a hard time cuming. The safest pain killer would be tramadol, and you can get that online. It is also a very very mild opiate, so it is not likely you would get addicted to it.

P.S. I don't suggest taking pain killers every time you have sex, just thought I would throw it out there. If you ever were banging some super model and wanted to last I would say find, but your girlfriend shouldn't put that pressure on you.

[jason12]

WHen you cum the pc muscle like spasms. Maybe what happens is when you flex it really hard you tire it so it doesn't wind up making you cum? I think it would be smarter to relax it with breathing and thinking about math or something.

[The_Scientist]

Yeah usually if I don't want to cum I just relax and think about something else. You could also masturbate before you have sex with her, or if you are about to cum just say you need to take a piss go to the bathroom and take care of yourself really quick and then come back depending on your recovery time, but if you're cumming that fast then your recovery time will probably be pretty small.

If you didn't want results so fast I would say start edging and making sure that everytime you masturbate you wait at least 20-30 minutes before cumming.

And yeah I agree that that is bullshit on her part especially if she's not willing to work with you to help you get over it, also can you not make her cum through oral?

Good luck, let me know how it goes. :hug:

And don't worry about it most guys have been there at some point.

[Sabin37]

The way I do it is... just before reaching the point of no return, I flex my PC-muscle REALLY HARD for however long it takes... until my "orgasm" subsides. Then, I gradually release the PC-muscle.

[Frenchcock]

if you are about to cum just say you need to take a piss go to the bathroom and take care of yourself really quick and then come back depending on your recovery time, but if you're cumming that fast then your recovery time will probably be pretty small.

You'd better put your dick out of her vagina and then please her with your fingers or your tongue instead of going to the bathroom, it will allow you to recover and you will keep your girlfriend excited. I read that somewhere. I didn't test it because I'm a virgin :( .

[The_Scientist]

That's a valid point but I think that most women who care enough about getting off to break up with a guy over it will just play with themselves while he's away. That and female sexuality is as much mental as anything. If I've been with a girl for a while I can tell how long she's been horny by how quickly I can get her off. So just having her wet in bed and her thinking about all of the things she wants done will get you closer to orgasm in my experience, then you come in and rock her socks off with no fear of orgasm.

A warning though is that you might want to test this out to make sure that you can get it up in a reasonable amount of time. Let us know what you do.

[giglio]

i had sex and went early again. lol. are there any breathing techniques u guys can paste to help me out? thanks lol :confused:

[Louberg83]

Are you using a condom or not? If so, get ones that have the desensitizing lube on them. If not, sometimes I have to take it slow at first. The initial feeling of being inside for the first minute or two can be too much sensation. Even if the girl is telling you to go harder or faster, just go at the pace where you won't cum. Then you should be able to ramp up the speed over time.

One other thing to think about is what position you are doing it in. Maybe starting in another position would be good? I like starting in girl on top cause I don't cum very easy in that position and it's a great show. :twisted::twisted:

[sonorabob]

Hey Dude,

I'm a lurker, this post has inspired me to surface. Well that and the recent progress I've just made myself with this one. I hope what I have to say helps.

First off, your girlfriend (and/or you) are putting too much pressure on things. Stress throws the body out of wack, particularly with sex. It's the toughest obstacle to over come, and sometimes just a little bit of time has to go by for you to stabilize. I've found that I go through periods where I cum early, can't cum easily, and sometimes just can't keep hard. Worst part is that more you think about it and try not to think about it, the tougher it gets. It all works out though. Remember to just ENJOY yourself and allow her to do the same. Focus on the good. Don't try to avoid focusing on the bad. It's like when you steer into a tree when you're skiing, you weren't thinking about where you DID want to go, you were thinking, 'don't hit the tree, don't hit the tree, oh god please don't hit the fu...' BAM!

I've been trying to keep from ejaculating for FOREVER now (ok I guess maybe only 15 years or so). A year ago I had made some progress by learning to breathe out and 'push,' like when you really try to piss and/or shit. It's almost the OPPOSITE of doing kegels. As previously mentioned, kegels beforehand will actually have you cumming earlier. Also, your wiener goes softer immediately afterwards. Try to intentionally NOT flex that muscle, and to relax.

Now I just in the last weekend here discovered how to really actually hold it in, and man it's no joke. You have to hold it, keep holding it, breathe and hold it, then FURIOUSLY hold it some more. What you're trying to do here is to hold and flex through and deny the urge to convulse. It's honestly an unnatural feeling. It makes the orgasm less enjoyable, so it's understandable why most people don't get it.

What did it for me wasworking on just holding kegels for as long as I can, and then a bit longer, and then holding some more. I believe the duration is more important than the number of reps, mainly for psychological reasons. Instantly repeat. I do about 4 of those (maybe in a minute or two) whenever I think about it during the day now. I think also pushing and breathing helps as much as doing the kegel (they're called reverse kegels here?), so I do those, too. You can really feel those while sitting.

Maybe to try to further describe what you're trying to do.... The feeling of cumming is POW ahhhhhh, POW ahhhhh, Pow ahhh, etc. Try to, no wait, DO HOLD that first POWWWWWWW, and don't relax for that ahhhh. And EVEN IF you still think you didn't do it, keep holding it. Pretend you're falling off the edge of a cliff and that you slipped a little on the rope you're holding. Keep holding on!!!! You may even have some drip out. Hold on!

If you didn't blow your whole load, then just feel it out. You'll likely need a little bit of recovery time, but jerking off will still oddly feel good.

PRACTICE! Jerk off once a day (hell maybe even more) and take your time with it (try to get in an hour). Enjoy it. Learn what thoughts, feelings, sights, even smells turn you on, and which ones turn you off. It's your own time to enjoy, so make sure you relax. I've found that if you really focus on NOT KEGELING as much as you can while in the act you'll find you have much more control.

Not kegeling has actually helped me get erections quicker when I'm having problems with that, too, btw.

This is definitely something you won't get with a partner for the first few times. You have to edge up to it and back off, not be going all out. It's way too much to control full force (at least at first). And when you work at it with a partner they have to be willing to work with you on that when you do try.

Finally, learn your recovery time. How much time do you need before you can be excitable and functional again? Maybe it's only 5 minutes or maybe it's 5 hours. This one too, changes (depending greatly on how long your previous 'session' was for), but try to get that kind of dialed in. Then you can jerk off beforehand and last longer. You know when you haven't done it in a while it's just overly sensitive, so make sure it hasn't been a while.

If you're still always having problems, there may be something deeper happening, so going to see a doc would be good!

Basically, relax, practice, and ENJOY. You'll get there. If the relationship was meant to be, then there won't be so much stress put on this and you'll both learn that this takes time and can be fun. If not, well don't worry about it. A great relationship isn't stressful, it's beneficial and strengthening. Don't get stuck in something that affects you negatively all the time.

Sorry for the long post. Finally, I'll ask how old you are, how long you've and often you've been sexually active, and how confident you feel in general. These will all greatly affect how well it all goes. Again, I've just finally gotten the hang of holding it in at thirty-goddamn-two. Sex is a learning process and an adventure. We as men have a lot of pressure put on us (often by ourselves) to be experts, but really the goal here is that it should just be fun.

Ok, one last thought is that if she needs so much and she really likes you, she should learn to GIVE a lot, too. That's back to that relationship being beneficial and a two way street. If you're giving all the time and not getting, then there's something wrong and you need to bail. Life is too short to have it drained out of you at the same time.

Good luck! It will work out and you will get it. Even if it takes 10, 15, or 20 years, it just makes it that much more rewarding! Make sure you have fun along the way! Oh, and when you get it it's one of the biggest "HOLY SHIT" feelings you'll have in your life, so don't give up trying. Did anyone else ever see the movie "Go!"?

[Sabin37]

Awesome post.

[giglio]

i'm 24 years old and the girl i'm seeing is very bitchy. she refuses to let me go at my own pace and complains when i try to change positions. (i prefer her ontop because i too find it easier to hold it in in that position)

but thank you* SONORABOB for your insight. i'll be sure to use it next session. you are a lifesaver

[sonorabob]

Hopefully this all helps and you're at least having some fun!!!

Again, consciously focus on relaxing. You'll find that you're probably flexing your PC muscles (and who knows what other ones down there?) without even realizing it. Work on relaxing those muscles and I believe you'll be surprised at how much more control you have.

One more thing I've noticed is that if you 'tuck' back in that can help bring you back under control again. Opposite of thrusting out, just fold up and pull out (unflex!) for a few seconds. Maybe whatever positions you use you could try to incorporate that. I've found that if I'm kneeling/sitting and hold her up by her legs that is not only a great turn on, but also is a position where you have more control and it can hit that magical g-spot for them.

The next line is so critical:

Really try to be in tune with her reactions to what you're doing.

Find out what spot you need to be hitting for her. If you're pumping hard but not grinding her clit then you may just not be working efficiently :wink: Try to find out what exactly is giving her the most pleasure and then learn how to hit that without going richter yourself. Oh and changing it up is important, so if you get a few of those things you know she loves just keep moving to keep ramping up her excitement levels. That may not mean changing positions, but even just pulling hair, smacking her ass, grabbing her by the hips/shoulders, finding out how she likes her tits/nipples played with... Would it be wrong to say you should keep her in a state of confusion? Just keep moving to something else exciting before she catches on to what's happening.

Explore these things and proceed with some confidence. If she wants you in control, take control. Even fake it if you have to for a little bit. It's awkward at first but it can be fun (just please never say 'oooooh you like that, don't you?'). My current girlfriend likes it hard, and I was more of a slow and intimate person. It was a little unsettling at first but now it's a lot of fun because it allows you to feel so 'manly,' and the girl lets you have your way with her (as long as it's really her way). Bear in mind that the pain threshold increases as you get closer to orgasm. If she likes it rough, then feel out how rough she likes to be played with when she's really excited. You may be surprised. If she's bitchy, now is your chance to get a little riled up about it. It may be what she's asking for without even realizing it.

Sorry these posts are so long. I guess I really love sex! Happy fucking!