Dark Humor

[Kefitzat Haderech]

OK guys, I think we need a dark humor thread around here.

If you don't enjoy morbid jokes read no further

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Let me start with an old one:

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby wearing a clown costume

[Adey]

Ive only just wriggled myself out of an awkward situation, ill let others
contribute first to see if there are any adverse reactions. :cool

[Kefitzat Haderech]

One of the reasons I started this thread was your post on the "funny pic" thread, don't leave me hanging.

Also, congrats to me for the 200th post

[Torpedo]

Hmm... Kill and Kef have pretty similar post counts. Whore-off, anyone? :twisted:

[Kefitzat Haderech]

come 'ere Kill you pussy :D

[Adey]

Damn i was meaning to look out for my 200th but i missed it. Anyway a belated congrats to the both of us:hug:

I havnt been whoreing as much recently but, but i hope to make up for it over the next few days.

Hi ho, Hi ho, its off to whore we go!

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Here's one my ex told me:
A recent survey was published showing that six out of seven people enjoy a group rape.

[Adey]

:lol: :lol:

Awesome ive heard that before but id forgotten it.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?

Getting him up from his wheelchair

[Adey]

I have a cousin who is severley mentaly handicapped,
if she heard that she'd have a fit.:lol:

Strangley the first part is true:neut:

[Kefitzat Haderech]

A bit off topic but: GO AND SEE BRUNO, NOW, it's hilarious

And for the bad joke du jour:
What's the worst part about fucking a bald and wet pussy?
Taking down the diaper

[Adey]

Whats the best thing about fucking 26 year olds?.....theres 20 of them.

Works better spoken than read but nevermind...

[Shane_Bos]

Some woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke; starving black people, death, tears and suffering, but i didnt understand the punchline..... Something about £2 a month :shrugs:

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Some woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke; starving black people, death, tears and suffering, but i didnt understand the punchline..... Something about £2 a month :shrugs:
Took me awhile because of the language barrier but finally got it.

What do you do when you see a baby running in circles around himself?
Stop laughing and nail his second hand to the floor

[Kefitzat Haderech]

What's worse then 10 babies hanging from a tree?
A baby hanging from 10 trees
And what's worse then that?
A tree hanging on 10 babies
And what's worse then that?
There's one baby alive at the bottom
And what's worse then that?
He's eating his way up
And what's worse then that?
He's out and coming back for seconds


also, happy Pi approximation day you all

[ramblingman]

i can take you down with my hands tied around my back with baby jokes.

what's the differance between a baby and a table?
you can't fuck a table..

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Bring it on biatch

i can take you down with my hands tied around my back with baby jokes.

what's the differance between a baby and a table?
you can't fuck a table..

Another differance: I don't have a pile of dead tables in my basement

[ramblingman]

what's the differance between a truck full of babies and a truck full of sand?

you can't empty a truck full of sand with a pitchfork..

[SiMa]

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.

How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.

[ramblingman]

what's the worst thing about raping a 4 year old?

getting blood on your clown costume.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

what's the worst thing about raping a 4 year old?

getting blood on your clown costume.

And what's worse then that?

The knacks of her spine as you enter her

[ramblingman]

And what's worse then that?

The knacks of her spine as you enter her


:mrgreen
if there's a hell we have first class seats on our way there..

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Congrats Rambling for your 300th post

[ramblingman]

thanks!
i see you're gaining fast (pun inteded) on me..

[Blondie]

Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Rape

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Rape

Blah, you ruined it.
Whats worse then finding a mggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot in your apple.
And what's worse then that?
Rape.

It can be continued

[ramblingman]

Blah, you ruined it.
Whats worse then finding a mggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot in your apple.
And what's worse then that?
Rape.

It can be continued

i know a different version:
Whats worse then finding a mggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot in your apple.
And what's worse then that?
the holocaust.
And what's worse then that?
going to pee in the middle of the night and banging your toe on something sharp.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Heard today about the 4 kid from Arizona raping a 8 years old girl. Not only she was raped but now her family is shunning her.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534665,00.html

That reminds me of a joke: A girl is riding a car with her father, mother, brother and the family dog. suddenly, the car crushes and the father, mother, brother and the dog are all dead. Luckily th girl was ejected and is sitting by the car crying her heart out. A man pulls over and asks her what happend. The girl says that all her loved ones are dead so the man pulls down his zipper and says "That's really not your day".

[ramblingman]

a pedophile is walking with a little girl in the woods, the girl turns to him and says "these woods are really scary", so the pedophile says "you're scared? i have to walk out of these woods alone later."

[Dr. P-Evil]

i had a prof, who when we had the 'giggles'...before a speach...would tell us to think of 'dead puppies'....and everybody always laughed more. wierd huh?

[Dr. P-Evil]

did i just spell speech wrong? :puke:

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Another joke from my ex
This is a real bad one

What has 8 legs and screams?
Group rape

[Kefitzat Haderech]

For SiMa: How do you put a baby in a blender?
Legs first, so you can see and hear his pain

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Giving up so soon Rambling?

[ramblingman]

how do you prevent a baby from falling into a manhole?
put a spear through his head.

[ramblingman]

i've got a million baby jokes, we can go on forever.. :cool

[Kefitzat Haderech]

How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your leg off his head.

[ramblingman]

not a baby joke but still a good one:
what's black and red and can't walk through rotating doors?
a nun with a spear in her.. :twisted:

ohh and another one i just remembered:
what's red and pink and white and crying like hell?
peeled babies in salt. :twisted:

[Kefitzat Haderech]

What's black and banging on glass?
A baby in an oven

What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't cry when you put it in the oven

[Kefitzat Haderech]

not a baby joke but still a good one:
what's black and red and can't walk through rotating doors?
a nun with a spear in her.. :twisted:



Who tall is a penguin?
About 90 cm, why?
Crap, I ran over a nun again.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Mommy mommy, I don't like Donnie
So eat around him.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

My ex told me that one yesterday:
Knock knock
Who is it?
9.11
9.11 who?
You said you'll remember :(

[Kefitzat Haderech]

How many babies does it take to to paint a red wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Mommy, can I play with grandma?
Sure, just put the bones back in the closet when you're done.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

OK guys, I'm leaving for one week to do some reserve duties so I'm gonne leave you with the worst joke there is. I will probably get myself kicked out of CC for this but it's worth it. If you like it, don't forget to rep (yes, I'm whoring in this direction too). The joke is blackened so if you don't want to read just don't.

How do you make a kid cry twice?
Wipe the blood of your dick with his teddy bear

[ramblingman]

OK guys, I'm leaving for one week to do some reserve duties so I'm gonne leave you with the worst joke there is. I will probably get myself kicked out of CC for this but it's worth it. If you like it, don't forget to rep (yes, I'm whoring in this direction too). The joke is blackened so if you don't want to read just don't.

How do you make a kid cry twice?
Wipe the blood of your dick with his teddy bear


epic! absolutly epic! :D

[G-Spot19]

OK guys, I'm leaving for one week to do some reserve duties so I'm gonne leave you with the worst joke there is. I will probably get myself kicked out of CC for this but it's worth it. If you like it, don't forget to rep (yes, I'm whoring in this direction too). The joke is blackened so if you don't want to read just don't.

How do you make a kid cry twice?
Wipe the blood of your dick with his teddy bear
Holy Shit :icon_surprised:
Thank God this is the dark humor thread :lol:

Havent read the entire thread so sorry if these are reposts and remember guys, these are just jokes so please dont take anything to heart or get offended. A couple baby ones. Not my thing but my buddy loves them.

What's the best thing about screwing twenty-three year olds?

There are twenty of them


Next one is blacked out so feel free to skip it. Yes it is worse than the one above. LOL

What's the difference between a Sandwich and a Baby?
The sandwich doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.


Not really a dark joke, but kind of. I love it

An Irishman with a bad leg hobbled into a restaurant one afternoon. He painfully sat down at a booth and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee too on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth and asked the waitress for a glass of hot tea.
He also glanced across the restaurant and asked "I say, but is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded so the Englishman said to give Jesus a spot of hot tea too.
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck barely able to walk. He swaggered over to a booth, sat down and hollered "Hey there sweet thang, hows about gettin me a cold glass of Coke!"
He too looked across the restaurant and asked "Sheweee! Is that there God's boy sitten over yander?" The waitress nodded so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke too.
As Jesus got up to leave. He passed by the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed. The Irishman felt the strength come back into his leg and got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "And you as well. For your kindness, you are healed." The English man felt his back straightening up and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumps up and yells, "What the Hell man, don't touch me...I'm drawin' disability!"

[G-Spot19]

J. P. Buttafucco, the tomato millionaire, died and went to hell. Upon his arrival, an assistant demon took him on a tour of the four rooms in which he could spend eternity.
The first room was full of men standing on their heads on a brick floor.
J. P. decided against this one.
The second room was full of men standing on their heads on a wooden floor. J. P. thought this one looked better, but decided to see the other two rooms before making a choice.
The third room was full of men standing on their heads on mattresses. This looked more promising, but J. P. still wanted to see the last room.
The fourth room was full of men standing knee deep in raw sewage and drinking coffee. J. P. thought that the stuff that they were standing in was disgusting, but he decided on this room because of the coffee.

No sooner had the door closed and locked behind him when another assistant demon called out, "All right, coffee break's over. Everyone go back to standing on your head.

[Kefitzat Haderech]

A guy is walking near a playground and sees a small girl playing with a doll. He says to the girl "What a nice doll you have" and the girl reply "It's not a doll, it's an abortion".

[Kefitzat Haderech]

250 posts. I'm now an officially one quarter of a whore

[Kefitzat Haderech]

Anyone wants me to continue?