Why I'm around less than usual lately...

[Matt]

Hi Guys,

Had a couple of emails (sorry for no reply clocks) and noticed a couple of posts about me not being around so much these days so I thought, for the guys who're interested, I'd tell you what's happening in my life.

Here goes...

Had a VERY long term girlfriend who I've been living with (we're talking life sentance kinda 10 years here guys)... Never sure she was the one for me (in fact, pretty sure she wasn't) through a combination of bad moves, easy mistakes, comfort etc I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have. It should have ended a year in. 10 years passed.

Then one day I decided enough was enough and that I had to end it. This day was a couple of weeks ago.

So, that's where I'm at. Finished the very long term girlfriend and lost my best friend who I love dearly in the process. Now in the process of moving out and getting my own flat - becoming truly single for the first time in my adult life (and no, I ain't been an angel).

Freedom finally, but also the scariest move I've made in my life. Wether I'll regret it or not I'll have to wait and see.

I've not made this thread for people to judge me or ask me if I've done the right thing... I HAVE done the right thing (for her if not me), it just probably doesn't feel like it right now.

Please don't leave any negative comments in this thread, it's still very raw for me and whilst I'm still living under the same roof as her, very very hard (although I've not seen her at the house the last few days). I should be out and into a flat this week or next though hopefully.

I will be around more when everything settles down, if only to giggle at the regulars jabberings :lol: ...

Anyways, will leave the post there for now.

[Rum_Runner]

Good Luck Matt, I have been there before. The best friend part is the hardest part.

[Zoran]

good luck Matt! It takes guts to break up after that long so I have no doubts you'll find your soulmate!!! Best of luck bro...

[GeeForce14]

good luck mate, im going though something very similar at the mo and it aint nice, hope it all works out for the best for you. really mean that!

[Bobo]

Had a VERY long term girlfriend who I've been living with (we're talking life sentance kinda 10 years here guys)... Never sure she was the one for me (in fact, pretty sure she wasn't) through a combination of bad moves, easy mistakes, comfort etc I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have. It should have ended a year in. 10 years passed.

Then one day I decided enough was enough and that I had to end it. This day was a couple of weeks ago.
Usually it's quite annoying when someone says "I know how you feel" because usually they don't, but reading that post was a major deja vu for me. It's almost spooky how similar our experiences are... I ended my ten year marriage about two years back and thought exactly like you, had my regrets and doubts... but trust me: It was the right thing to do. No point in staying in a relationship if it doesn't feel right, and ten years is more than enough to realize that. It's too easy to stay in a relationship and the longer it is, the harder it is to end it.

It feels weird and scary at first, especially living alone after a long relationship... but you'll get used to it and eventually you'll be ready for a new relationship. One hint I can give you: Write down all the reasons why you ended up this relationship, because after a while we tend to forget the bad things and the memories get the silver lining... That's when you'll start thinking "what have I done". When that moment comes, read the list of the reasons and you will feel better about the decision. Warning: Never let your ex find the list lol!

Those ten years weren't wasted, I'm sure you have many good memories... I know I have. Everything we experience in our lives teaches us stuff, and those ten years have most certainly done some fine adjustments on your personality and attitude too. You will be much wiser on your next relationship, that's guaranteed. But it was just one phase on your path, now just move on and never look back. Well, remember the good things but don't forget the bad things either until you're ready for it.

Have strength, my friend. I know this is something everyone always say, but it is true: time heals. Congratulations on your brave move, and good luck for a better future. :D

[Rum_Runner]

Well said my friend. That list is a handy thing to have. Or great friends to remind you why you left.

[Clockers]

In time: all things come to Pass!


This will pass & you will move on, we all do! --> Good Luck...Matt..:cool

[MagnumXL]

nice matt! now we can fuck without having to stop everytime we hear a funny noise.

[Matt]

Thanks for the kind words guys... And bobo, sounds like you've been through something very similar, it helps to hear about those kinda things.:)

[Bobo]

Yeah, very similar indeed. If you feel like talking about it more, let me know. (PM)

[Clockers]

Your such a nice guy! :lol:

[Spike]

Ah, Spring is in the air, the grass is growing - a young man's heart turns to lawnmowers. :lol:

[Bobo]

Matt's the boss around here so it's wise to lick his ass! :lol: :roll:

Nah, just being a friend, you morons! :lol:

[GeeForce14]

How much love is there in this room!! lol

[EndorphinMachine]

With all respect for the experiences both u and Bobo had I just have to disagree with something he said. Time will not heal you! U have to really take a deep look at all that's happened and find the reasons to justify ur actions and then u will feel right about what u have done. If u leave it alone in the dust then it will hit u at unexpect moments and the scars of ur past experiences will hurt again. Believe in your strength to face ur past, what u've done wrong and what u did right! U will find a better way if u try hard! It probably will be hard as hell but u never know! Happiness might just be around the next corner. I wish u good luck!:cool

But what the hell I'm just a young man. I don't know half of what u guys know about life but maybe my insight will help u. I hope it does.

Oh and thank u for the forum Matt!:D

[hugh g rection]

Now you can get back to 12 year old boys matt.

[Bobo]

With all respect for the experiences both u and Bobo had I just have to disagree with something he said. Time will not heal you!

Please, let me counter-disagree with you! :lol: Time will heal... because I feel alot better about my divorce today than for example one year back when I still had some doubts. I haven't done any breakthroughs in my thinking patterns, haven't made any constructive conclusions... living with my decision is simply easier now. So, despite of it being just a common phrase, time actually does heal.

[Rum_Runner]

FREEDOM, sweet Freedom

[JaredK]

In time: all things come to Pass!


This will pass & you will move on, we all do! --> Good Luck...Matt..:cool

do what you can with the time you have...............a very powerful statement that has words made of 2-4 letters

[EndorphinMachine]

Please, let me counter-disagree with you! :lol: Time will heal... because I feel alot better about my divorce today than for example one year back when I still had some doubts. I haven't done any breakthroughs in my thinking patterns, haven't made any constructive conclusions... living with my decision is simply easier now. So, despite of it being just a common phrase, time actually does heal.

Well maybe it will work sometimes. But there are people who never get over certain stuff that's happened to them in the past and afect their present lives. If it's a big decision, I'd put some serious thought to it afterwards but that doesn't mean u have to get stuck thinking about the past either, in fact that would be stupid. But for me I think it's important to settle ur decisions with urself.

But how would u feel if u ran into ur ex-wife in the street and saw her with Mr. Perfect? Are u sure it wouldn't hurt u? Cause if it would then time had done nothing for u cause u hadn't thought decently about what happened. This does happen to a lot of people. Time ain't the healer Bobo, it's US!

[Bobo]

Well maybe it will work sometimes. But there are people who never get over certain stuff that's happened to them in the past and afect their present lives. If it's a big decision, I'd put some serious thought to it afterwards but that doesn't mean u have to get stuck thinking about the past either, in fact that would be stupid. But for me I think it's important to settle ur decisions with urself.

But how would u feel if u ran into ur ex-wife in the street and saw her with Mr. Perfect? Are u sure it wouldn't hurt u? Cause if it would then time had done nothing for u cause u hadn't thought decently about what happened. This does happen to a lot of people. Time ain't the healer Bobo, it's US!
If you think of your next step for too long, you'll be standing on one foot for your whole life. We simply must make big moves sometimes, and we must learn to live with them. And that's what happens with time: we don't necessarily ever get over certain things, but we learn to live with the consequences.

And, in fact I'm meeting my ex-wife and her new spouse this weekend and I'm totally ok with it. The divorce was my idea and I've learned to live with it. I still love my ex but that doesn't mean I'd like to see her spending her life alone... quite vice versa actually: I'm happy she has found someone.

[K-man]

Thats a very balanced view you have there man. Ultimately if it was your decision to end the relationship, its good that you are happy for her to move on with her life. Many people would think quite the reverse.

[EndorphinMachine]

If you think of your next step for too long, you'll be standing on one foot for your whole life
totally agree and that does not go against what I said. What I meant was that while u move on with ur life u should also take a deep look at ur past so that u learn from ur mistakes and from ur victories as well. And the next time u find urself in a difficult situation, u'll know better!
And that's what happens with time: we don't necessarily ever get over certain things, but we learn to live with the consequences.

that's what i wish to avoid. Even though it is not always possible.:wink:

It's great that u and ur ex get along cause that's the best way for u not to think that u've thrown away years of ur life with someone u didn't like or that hurt u. U are very lucky indeed!:cool

[Bobo]

We don't always make the best choices in life, but soaking in self pity because of the bad choices doesn't solve anything. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, and afterwards all we can do is to learn how to live with the new situation because going back isn't always an option.

A divorce isn't necessarily (and probably) a bad choice at all despite the fact that there probably isn't a man alive who wouldn't have at least some regrets afterwards. But, in my opinion the most common mistake people do is the opposite of a divorce, which is staying in a relationship just because it seems the esiest way to do... that's how years are wasted, not by doing some gutsy moves.

Ultimately if it was your decision to end the relationship, its good that you are happy for her to move on with her life. Many people would think quite the reverse.

To be honest, it wasn't always like that, I had my dark moments which is totally human in these situations. Only after a while I learned to live with my decision and because I don't see any possibility for us two getting back together, there's no logic in expecting her to live like a nun. I love her and I want her to be happy, so of course it's a good thing she's in a pleasing relationship. I wish her all the best.