A rough ride...

[Bobo]

I hope I don't sound all whiny... I'd love to show a happier face here since I've been away for so long, but life is rough right now and as so many times before, I'll flood it on You guys!

Well, I'll try to keep this story short. The reason why I came back to Finland this early was the fact that my grandmother got very sick and she kept on asking where I am. On wednesday I finally got to see her and her smile was up to her ears when she saw me. Shortly after that her condition got worse and I stayed at the hospital, holding her hand... until about 2am local time her heart stopped. I feel good being there for her but the loss is very painful. It is a weird feeling to hold someones hand when he/she dies, this was my second time to experience it... It's both beautiful and sad. Difficult to explain.

Been feeling numb after that, meaning I can't cry or basically feel anything. Too tired to whore here, just wanted to explain why I came back and why I don't hang in here so much.

As soon as I feel strong enough I will jump into a plane and continue my adventures, but I guess I'll stay here long enough to bury my grandmother. Of course I will.

I have seen too much death in my life already so I should be strong enough and well prepared for something like this, but no matter how prepared You feel, the death of a loved one always strikes stronger than You could imagine or remember.

So, don't expect me to be as chatty as before, I don't feel like whoring now. Thanks for "listening".

[The Big Banana]

I hope her final days werent too painful.

[Valk]

My condolescence Bobo. Best of luck to you and your family.

I had to 'say goodbye' to a loved one recently too. We knew she was gonna die for weeks but when the moment came it was just as painful.
At one hand happy for her, at the other hand I am sad. Death is never easy.

Take care buddy.

[soserious]

That`s really sad Bobo, sorry to hear that.
You know, I understand what you mean about the dying thing.
My grandmother died with no-one by her side, that really chokes me up and makes me angry. I am very sad to hear you grandmothers passing away, but I am kind of glad that you were there for her, not only there but there . That`s beautiful that in such a sad time the bond with you and her was right there.. in your hands. I think you did good, coming back to Finland for the moment before you spread your wings and leave again, your timing was just right. I just think that worse than a loved one dying, is a loved one dying with no-one around them, alone. Sorry, I know this is a very tough subject, especially for some. But I just felt that it needed to be said.

:(

[Valk]

T
My grandmother died with no-one by her side, that really chokes me up and makes me angry.

Thats a fucking disgrace! I hate the way some people treat the elderly.
Too self-absorbed, too selfish. Love thy family man!

This wasnt aimed at you SS, by the way.

[soserious]

I would accept it if it were, I deserve it. I am supposed to be the security of my family, I should have somehow been at her side in the hospital- in shifts with my mum to make certain that she had someone there at any one time. But she died alone there and no-one was there :cry: :x Where was I? :x
If one of my sisters, or the kids, or my mother died I would be severley disturbed and inconsolable. I don`t like thinking about it.
I am really sad for Bobo, but I am glad that he timed hes return beautifully and that they were together in her last moments.

Sometimes I really worry about him, it`s like watching a bridge be beaten by weather and storms and be overloaded with traffic, just waiting for fatigue and cracks to appear is scary and sad, but he is resilient and has lots of integral strength, so somehow he copes with incredible strain.
I don`t know, I only hope I can be more of a man like that in time.

[Saske69]

My grandmother died almost a year ago. She was very sick. it was the first time i had seen her in a year and she looked bad. she just sat there eyes closed just out of it. Once my family visited and everyone else visited, a few days later she died. It was hard for me, but thats the way life goes. I dont fear death because i know it can happen to me at anymoment. Even before i finish typing this sentence. But, Im very sorry for your loss as i know what it feels like to lose a grandmother. You will eventually learn to live without her being there but its gonna take alittle while. Stay Strong, and you will make it through.

~David aka "Saske69"

[K-man]

I hope I don't sound all whiny... I'd love to show a happier face here since I've been away for so long, but life is rough right now and as so many times before, I'll flood it on You guys!

Thats what we're here for man (and no it doesnt sound whiny)!

My deepest condolences Bobo.

I think I can say, without fear of reprisal, that all here will be very sorry for your loss and we'll be here should you feel the need to vent your feelings in any way.

You have may friends here. Please keep this in mind through this troubled time. All the very best to you and your family.

Chris

[CockMessiah]

Your plight is as old as time, yet timeless.
Think of this as another part of your journey

[Bobo]

Thanks for Your kind words, guys. But, don't worry about me, I've seen and experienced so much that I won't fall too easily. I'm like a fortress really, no matter how messy I'm on the inside, nobody will see it on my face. I always hide my feelings and give the impression that everything's ok, and that's important to me because many people come to me with their problems and they always expect solutions and answers. Well, I have feelings too but You guys are the only ones witnessing them.

Hell... I can't even cry when I'm alone! It worries me, but at the same time I do feel strong enough. I only hope the pressure won't build up too much so I'd explode some day. Well, I think I'll be ok.

[K-man]

When the time is right, you will be able to grieve properly. As you say, right now you have many people relying on you as a source of strength. Maybe there will come a time when the situation has settled sufficiently to allow you to be alone with your own thoughts (instead of having others thoughts occupying you).

Who knows, you may not ever feel the need to cry.

[Bobo]

Maybe. But I think crying would be quite liberating really, to let out some steam. Well, maybe it isn't necessary, I truly hope so because I simply can't do it.

[K-man]

Patience my man!!

All that is meant to happen will, in its own time!

[Spike]

Crying is for sissymen. :lol:

[ColdShroom]

My grandmother recently died.

I have no problem with death, it is inevitable.

She is still with me.

Having said that. I usually find I 'mourn' while I'm driving on a highway, speeding along in easy traffic. I just let loose, and sob. Always feel great afterwards, and closer to those who have gone.

My friend, you will have many, many upcoming experiences and moments which you will share with the memory of your grandmother.

Dunno if that makes any sense.

Remember her well.

[Bobo]

Yeah, Bobo will never forget. My "numbness" isn't there "only" because my grandmother just died, it's there all the time. No matter what happens, I will not get too happy or sad, scared, excited or anything like that... just total numbness. I feel nothing.

[Valk]

A night with the HFA will definitively make you feel something.

[Spike]

The urge to vomit, probably.

[Valk]

Atleast its better then going through life like a zombie.

[Bobo]

:shock: I prefer being a zombie, thank You! :shock:

[Valk]

*whipes tears of HFA's face*

[Spike]

Careful not to get them on any paintwork.

[zwmusic]

*whipes tears of HFA's face*

How sad... :lol:

[wern]

My deepest condolences Bobo. :neut: