.clunk
9th March 2006, 05:07 AM
Hi, I was on the old cheeky cherry forums before they were deleted, but decided to sign up again. heres my first post!
this is a situation I'm in right now, meaning It's quite serious for me and I'd appreciate serious responses!
sorry about the long read, i just have alot on my mind and need to write it down, maybe get some feedback. I don't have any friends where I'm living who I can talk to about this, as it's a new place to me.
Okay, so the scenario is like this:
My girlfriend and I were together for 9 months before mutually deciding that we would "take a break" and see how things were in a month or two, basically re-evaluate our relationship. We agreed that we would see how we felt once we were apart, how much we missed each other and how much we actually do love each other. I moved out of the place we shared, and moved to a different town for work reasons, which we both agreed would be "good" for getting things sorted out. Since moving over 2 months ago, we keep in touch every few days and are still very close as friends, and will see about our relationship when we see each other, but I'm moving back in a few weeks to see where things are going to go with her, as well as for my own interests since I'm not happy where I'm living right now. So far so good, right?!?
So, heres the stick in the spokes so to speak:
Around a week before I moved away and we seperated I was gone for a few days visiting family. We had already decided to take a break, but were still sleeping in the same bed, seeing each other every day etc. Over those few days that I was gone, she was at a friends house and ended up fooling around with her friend's roomate, behind my back. She didn't sleep with him, but kissed him a few times then called it quits. I completely believe her when she says there wasn't any feeling up or anything, it was just a few kisses and that was it. Completely above the belt, above the shoulders even. She was really drunk, but he wasn't so drunk apperantly.
At the time this happened, we had already decided to take a break, but to still keep things open between us and see how things worked out when we saw each other in a few months. I was still in the picture, I was just away for a few days though. When I got back we were still sleeping in the same bed, but I could tell something was really bothering her, but wasn't sure if it was just because I was moving or what.
Heres her explanation why it happened: She said it just "kind of happened". She was drunk and it just happened. For starters, I know she wasn't looking to get laid because she was on the rag at this time (I remember specefically - ugh). She also said in less direct words that she wanted to see if she could do it and if she would feel guilty or not. She has felt fucking horrible ever since to say the least.
Basically, since I moved I knew that something has been really bothering her and today over the phone, she called me in tears and came clean and told me all this. Her life has been REALLY falling apart due to her guilty conscience, and I know that when she says these things she's honest. She hasn't been sleeping well, hasn't been going to school, has been depressed and I am certain this is the reason: her guilt. I could feel a huge burden off her shoulders after we talked about it.
Now, I'm already moving back in a few weeks and before she told me all this we agreed to start out as friends again and take things slowly in our relationship, just have a good time for a while. When we talked about what happened, I told her I forgave her and still wanted to try to make things work between us. I'm willing to forgive and forget, but I need time..
Basically I look at it like this: It was only a few kisses--she didn't throw her leg over the guy and I know that for a fact, like I said she was on the rag. She has felt completely like shit ever since, and numerous times she hinted at wanting to tell me but couldn't do it, finally she did and she cried and cried and apologised like crazy. She felt guilty from day one and wishes she never did it.
Am I crazy for forgiving her in this scenario? This is a girl who means alot to me, and who I mean alot to. It's the first time in years that I have "fallen in love", and before the day we met I wasn't looking at meeting a single other person in the world. She is what I would call my "soulmate" and she calls me the same, and it's the truth.
Can I forgive her and someday share a great relatoinship again or is it a waste of time?
this is a situation I'm in right now, meaning It's quite serious for me and I'd appreciate serious responses!
sorry about the long read, i just have alot on my mind and need to write it down, maybe get some feedback. I don't have any friends where I'm living who I can talk to about this, as it's a new place to me.
Okay, so the scenario is like this:
My girlfriend and I were together for 9 months before mutually deciding that we would "take a break" and see how things were in a month or two, basically re-evaluate our relationship. We agreed that we would see how we felt once we were apart, how much we missed each other and how much we actually do love each other. I moved out of the place we shared, and moved to a different town for work reasons, which we both agreed would be "good" for getting things sorted out. Since moving over 2 months ago, we keep in touch every few days and are still very close as friends, and will see about our relationship when we see each other, but I'm moving back in a few weeks to see where things are going to go with her, as well as for my own interests since I'm not happy where I'm living right now. So far so good, right?!?
So, heres the stick in the spokes so to speak:
Around a week before I moved away and we seperated I was gone for a few days visiting family. We had already decided to take a break, but were still sleeping in the same bed, seeing each other every day etc. Over those few days that I was gone, she was at a friends house and ended up fooling around with her friend's roomate, behind my back. She didn't sleep with him, but kissed him a few times then called it quits. I completely believe her when she says there wasn't any feeling up or anything, it was just a few kisses and that was it. Completely above the belt, above the shoulders even. She was really drunk, but he wasn't so drunk apperantly.
At the time this happened, we had already decided to take a break, but to still keep things open between us and see how things worked out when we saw each other in a few months. I was still in the picture, I was just away for a few days though. When I got back we were still sleeping in the same bed, but I could tell something was really bothering her, but wasn't sure if it was just because I was moving or what.
Heres her explanation why it happened: She said it just "kind of happened". She was drunk and it just happened. For starters, I know she wasn't looking to get laid because she was on the rag at this time (I remember specefically - ugh). She also said in less direct words that she wanted to see if she could do it and if she would feel guilty or not. She has felt fucking horrible ever since to say the least.
Basically, since I moved I knew that something has been really bothering her and today over the phone, she called me in tears and came clean and told me all this. Her life has been REALLY falling apart due to her guilty conscience, and I know that when she says these things she's honest. She hasn't been sleeping well, hasn't been going to school, has been depressed and I am certain this is the reason: her guilt. I could feel a huge burden off her shoulders after we talked about it.
Now, I'm already moving back in a few weeks and before she told me all this we agreed to start out as friends again and take things slowly in our relationship, just have a good time for a while. When we talked about what happened, I told her I forgave her and still wanted to try to make things work between us. I'm willing to forgive and forget, but I need time..
Basically I look at it like this: It was only a few kisses--she didn't throw her leg over the guy and I know that for a fact, like I said she was on the rag. She has felt completely like shit ever since, and numerous times she hinted at wanting to tell me but couldn't do it, finally she did and she cried and cried and apologised like crazy. She felt guilty from day one and wishes she never did it.
Am I crazy for forgiving her in this scenario? This is a girl who means alot to me, and who I mean alot to. It's the first time in years that I have "fallen in love", and before the day we met I wasn't looking at meeting a single other person in the world. She is what I would call my "soulmate" and she calls me the same, and it's the truth.
Can I forgive her and someday share a great relatoinship again or is it a waste of time?